hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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