worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
