Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Holy shit dude........stairs
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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