I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
