remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
