oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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