Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
