I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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