what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
