State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
