i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
