i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
