who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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