if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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