Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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