oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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