Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if only i could text you this smell
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the raccoons are back...
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