oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
