My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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