I hate all girls vehemently.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
