You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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