***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
