if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
