a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
