Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
