okay pat passed out under dana's car
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Let's paint friendship bongs
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
