one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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