Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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