....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
