Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
