her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
