im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
