Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
