ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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