she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
