Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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