I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
