i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
