just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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