You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
