I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
