so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
