True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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