glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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