god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
