my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
