I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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