well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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