Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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