smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
