i just wanna soil my oats bro
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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