Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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