Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
