ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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