my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
