I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
