I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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