i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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