So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
