K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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