When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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