The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
