Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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