The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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