We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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