so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
