Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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